Tiny Bubbles

Everyday I receive a Daily Om thought for the day and a horoscope in my e-mail. More often than not they are exactly what I need to hear and think about at that particular moment. Today’s was no exception. Lately I have been allowing the past be it pain/memories and hurt to affect the here and now, especially in my personal relationships. I read the following and it struck me how I’ve been holding on to what other people have done to me and that it’s time to let it go.

So dear, Jeremy, Morgan and Reese,

I forgive all three of you for the pain that arose out of our relationships. I forgive myself as well. The past is gone. I let all three of you go.

June 6, 2007
An Empowered Perspective
Importance Of Forgiveness

When someone has hurt us, consciously or unconsciously, one of the most difficult things we have to face in resolving the situation is the act of forgiveness. Sometimes it feels like it’s easier not to forgive and that the answer is to simply cut the person in question out of our lives. In some cases, ending the relationship may be the right thing to do, but even in that case, we will only be free if we have truly forgiven. If we harbor bitterness in our hearts against anyone, we only hurt ourselves because we are the ones harboring the bitterness. Choosing to forgive is choosing to alleviate ourselves of that burden, choosing to be free of the past, and choosing not to perceive ourselves as victims.

One of the reasons that forgiveness can be so challenging is that we feel we are condoning the actions of the person who caused our suffering, but this is a misunderstanding of what is required. In order to forgive, we simply need to get to a place where we are ready to stop identifying ourselves with the suffering that was caused us. Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves, and our forgiveness of others is an extension of our readiness to let go of our own pain. Getting to this point begins with fully accepting what has happened. Through this acceptance, we allow ourselves to feel and process our emotions.

It can be helpful to articulate our feelings in writing over a period of days or even weeks. As we allow ourselves to say what we need to say and ask for what we need to heal, we will find that this changes each day. It may be confusing, but it is a sign of progress. At times we may feel as if we are slogging uphill through dense mud and thick trees, getting nowhere. If we keep going, however, we will reach a summit and see clearly that we are finally free of the past. From here, we recognize that suffering comes from suffering, and compassion for those who have hurt us naturally arises, enhancing our new perspective.

Daily Om

  Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas. Has it been five years? Six? It seems like a lifetime, the kind of peak that never comes again. San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place to be a part of. But no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant.
…. There was madness in any direction, at any hour. You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning.
And that, I think, was the handle - -that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn’t need that. Our energy would simply prevail. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.

Hunter S. Thompson

finally, the temp has dropped a giant 9 degrees. It’s 80!

I believe there is a someone

for everyone, a true twin

a chemical equal

this someone has a smell

that wakes you up

from the long sleep of age

it is true

I know because

when I see you

I bloom

like a flower

my petals open, they go out

so do not ask me why

why not?

my life was fine

just alone

without you

it was

until

now

now I only open

I cannot close

there is not much I can do

except

let the seasons come to my door

and let you break my heart

your love is a gift

I do not deserve

but I’ll take it anyway

remember,

you can never hide love

when we say love

there is nothing else

when we say love

it could be you

it could be me

love

is what we say

I can chart my life’s important moments by this poem. I know that every time I have been afraid or about to jump into the abyss; this poem has centered me, haunted me and saved me. I remember the night I lay in a hospital bed, unable to move, doped up, and so consumed by pain that I felt my own identity slipping away. The only word I could say and see was “cancer”. I recited this poem in it’s entirety to remind myself of what I knew. It was simple.

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

************************************************

By Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.

His house is in the village though;

He will not see me stopping here

To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer

To stop without a farmhouse near

Between the woods and frozen lake

The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake

To ask if there is some mistake.

The only other sound’s the sweep

Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

poetry thursday

I want to factor you into the column of my life

I want to put you on my expense report under the heading,

“fucks like a volcano”

I want to tie you up

in ragged knots

and leave you outside so the wind can have at you

I want to see dirt on your face

the dirtier you are, the more I’ll like it

I want to smell the sea in your hair

this hunger I have for you

extends beyond lust and sex

forget what you know about love

no longer a word

more like a muscle a living thing

that beats hard in the night

it is covered in thorns, the thoughts of birds, and bits of colored glass

When

we lie side by side

surrounded by mountains in winter, we are one

I want to set you free among wildflowers

to silence every honeybee

I want to throw you into the river and watch you

float over the water like a feather

I want to set you free

I want to crawl under the earth

to wait

for you

my mouth full of stones

your name around my neck

1. Ramblin’ Man - The Allman Brothers
2. Woman - John Lennon
3. Everything All the Time - Band of Horses
4. Where the Streets Have No Name - U2
5. Ling on a Thin Line - The Kinks
6. Avalon - Sigur Ros
7. Ride On - AC/DC
8. Watching You Without Me - Kate Bush
9. Jump In the Line - Harry Belafonte
10. Espresso Love Dire Straits