this is another test

in between the words rests a beautiful space

the mirror

I wanted to tell my mom
and then I wanted to tell my best friend or my lover
that there must be something wrong
every time I see myself
in the mirror in my room
there’s something wrong
I see it from my ear and it doesn’t stop
like a horn coming out
and its a fierce bloody thing but I’m not sure
I think I’m changing
and its happening slow
what if the thing is more than me
what if there’s nothing but me
the mirror is changing
It was just a thought
I had

Spring Draft #1

all around

there are clouds

I am watching the starlings

paint pictures with their black wings

against the trees on this hot

afternoon

there is water splashing sounds

from the pool next door

the irises are looking up

at the sky

And I can hear the train coming

moving over the river

and through the trees

parallel universe

It would be nice to think that somewhere out there

things are working out for the other you and the other me
here on this bench I sit with sadness
while somewhere over there we are together and happy
surrounded by a blue light
so I should take some comfort then
for while you and I are not together
and while we stand at the end of a dead end end street in the dark
somewhere over there out there anywhere
we walk along a different street
we are walking each other home
to our kitchen that could be yellow
with morning light
to our rooms full of books

to our bed
where we sleep

as a king and a queen would

whose kingdom

is small yet perfect.

what the living know

all the rest are dead – now its only me
you are removed and unhooked like a chain
to know the why and how before a thing ends

in
retrospect

surely hurts a lot
but I know now why I stayed
because I had to be here to see
our love die
in little bits you’ve been killing this us that we have made

I had to stay here to bury our love
to see it die in the flood
see it die in the fire
to see it die
all alone and happy
maybe now I can shuffle forward
into the next place
with my bloody heart
intact
with my hands that are nameless
and brave.

me on the porch in the dark

This moment
made me think of you

it was particular

I turned around and there was nothing
and the sight of it filled the earth
all around
what was there before love was?
a blank page

a tree with no idea of spring
the night opening its eyes
but having no sense of the light

like

me on the porch in the dark
watching the cars going by
forever somewhere
(you see) everything is moving
and going

and I am furiously still

I am
I was

I will be

once was not enough

where once there was green

with flower and light

(a hole in the bottom that led up to the top)

now there is a dead wave

(just an edge with no face)

over metal that’s turned to dust

but I get to start again

and perhaps find the hole

where the night pours in

on my reflection so I can see myself

know myself again